"Everyone Knows Rush Limbaugh's just faking" by Linwood Barclay

The below article was published in "The Toronto Star," and was written by Linwood Barclay...




"Everyone knows Rush Limbaugh's just faking"

Oct.27, 2006. 01:00AM

By: LINWOOD BARCLAY

Now, I know this may offend those who suffer from this particularcondition, and these individuals might not like it much when I suggestthat a certain person with this diagnosis is exaggerating his symptoms,but I have to say, I think Rush Limbaugh is just pretending to be adick.While the right-wing radio host does exhibit most, if not all, of thecommon characteristics of this behaviour, it's so rare for all of themto coalesce at a single moment that one can only conclude Limbaugh'smost recent performances are nothing short of fraudulent.I'm no expert diagnostician, but nobody could be this big a one.Limbaugh must be acting.Consider what Rush Limbaugh said this week about Michael J. Fox.

The Canadian-born actor did an ad for a U.S. politician who supportsstem cell research, a controversial field that many believe could leadto a cure for Parkinson's disease. Fox suffers from Parkinson's, and anyone who has seen him in television interviews in the last few yearsis aware of his symptoms. Awkward, involuntary movements, occasional speech difficulty, tremors.Those symptoms are much in evidence in the ad.Said Limbaugh on his radio show: "He is exaggerating the effects of the disease. He's moving all around and shaking and it's clearly an act."Limbaugh also suggested Fox probably went off his medication beforefilming the ad. It's difficult to imagine that anyone could say anything so amazinglyuninformed, so incredibly moronic, and actually believe it. That's why I'm so convinced Limbaugh was acting.

At this point, it's probably useful to review the most common symptomsexhibited by a person with EDS (extreme dick syndrome) for those not upto speed on them:
1. Exhibits a level of arrogance rooted in a feeling of superiority,
2. Is capable of achieving levels of hypocrisy (railing against drugaddicts when you are one, for example) previously thought unattainable.3. Blow-hardedness.4. Is indifferent to the woes and misfortunes of the disadvantaged.5. Lies his ass off.6. Goes to the "6 items or less" checkout with a dozen things.7. Never lets ignorance of a subject keep him from shooting his mouthoff about it.8. Believes facts are overrated.9. Chews with his mouth open.10. Always finds some little thing the waitress did wrong to justify not leaving a tip.

Anyone who has four or more of these symptoms is very likely sufferingfrom EDS. Sadly, at the moment there\'s no known cure for this condition. Researchers are still debating whether you\'re born with it,or it's a lifestyle choice. The real problem is, people with thiscondition don't make for a very sympathetic cause.

But in Limbaugh's case, it's probably a moot point, since he's justputting on a show.My guess, in fact, is that Rush Limbaugh is a liberal plant. ADemocratic plant. The Democrats, who appear to be on the verge ofwinning back both houses of Congress, don't want to leave anything tochance. What better way to turn things their way than for a prominentspokesperson for the right wing (nudge nudge, wink wink) to saysomething so astonishingly and despicably vile that it will makefair-minded Republicans vote Democrat, or at the very least, stay home.I know these statements of mine are going to enrage genuine sufferersof EDS everywhere. "How dare he say that!" they'll say. "We know we're rude and insensitive and total jerks 24/7, and he's got a lot of nerve suggesting otherwise."I will say this, however. If it can be determined by an independent panel of experts that Rush Limbaugh is, in fact, a dick, I will apologize, unreservedly.