Friday, November 06, 2009

Costco Republicans?

Worried about conservative Republicans, or the prospect of a third, Conservative Party? Forget about it, the force that wields the blade among the rightest of the right are not neo-cons, like Newt Gingrich, but career shoppers, Costco Republicans.

After last week's big losses for Democrats in Virginia and New Jersey, one can't help but speculate about the impact the far right, bible belt conservatives will have on the landscape that is the Republican Party over the next eight years. Some see civil war already in the works with faux moderates being tackled by the nouveau neo-conservative movement.

The John Birch Society, which has been largely underground, will yet again take center stage as the tea baggers transform into the next candidates for state senate, and/or Congress.

But, no one seems to have factored in: Costco Republicans, those who think the Battle of the Bulge was a precursor to Weight Watchers, those for whom bigger is better when it comes to everything except, of course, a government. that is sensitive to the needs of its governed. And, given the discount wholesalers robust sales in October, Costco, and the ethos of "size counts," is definitely a force to be reckoned.

After all, when most businesses are hurting, Costco's sales were up 5% over last October's, their largest monthly profit increase in more than a year. If nothing else Republicans, whether they be moderates or to the right of Attila the Hun, all like to see bigger profits.

That's not all they like to see, but even Newt Gingrich, architect of the Republican coup of 1994, could not have predicted McMansions, Big Macs, and sports utility vehicles large enough to accommodate half the combat forces in Iraq.

Consider, too, the obscene growth of executive compensation in the past decade, and the wide girth of defense industry profits. Gluttony and usury have at least one common denominator--quantity.

Apart from the idea of buying en masse, what could have greater allure, for a Republican, than being a member of a club one has to pay to get into? Moreover one can easily distinguish Costco Republicans from their generic counterparts simply by asking to see their Costco cards.

Given her propensity for shooting moose, former governor of Alaska, and most likely Republican presidential pick for 2012, Sarah Palin must shop for her hunting supplies at Costco. More bang-bang for your buck, as they say. If not guns, then there's always that invincible apron, the kind that even blood won't stain.

One would think, by now, the American people would have learned to stay away from those who know the price of everything, but the cost of nothing. The same folks who have always increased their bottoms, and their bottom lines, from war are even more adept now that there is an information superhighway, and technology is outpacing human intelligence by a ratio of two to one.

If Democrats want to get ahead of the game, so to speak, they'd better get ready for some serious Target practice.