by Paul Krassner

SEE YOU IN THE FUNNY PAPERS

by Paul Krassner

The economic crisis has made its way into the nation’s syndicated comic strips. A few have included references to companies going bankrupt.

In “Rex Morgan, MD,” Rex’s family is on a cruise. In the ship’s library, his wife June asks, “Is there a rental fee for the books?” “You can keep the books,” the librarian replies. “The cruise line is bankrupt!”

In “Sally Forth,” Sally tells her office co-workers, “Okay, everybody, calm down. The company is not going bankrupt…”

And in “Candorville,” at a hearing on the bailout of the failing comic-strip industry, Garfield the cat states, “Bankruptcy is not an option, Senator.

On another day, Dagwood Bumstead testifies, “If you allow us to fail, this worldwide recession could easily become a depression. Take it from us, we remember the last Great Depression….Congress refused to keep ‘Little Nemo’ alive. Two years later, there were soup lines.”

And on yet another day, a senator argues, “Let’s not pussyfoot around the REAL issue. The labor unions are milkin’ you dry. Elite workers rakin’ in upwards of $9 an hour…Before we give you a dime of taxpayer money the unions should be crushed, disemboweled and shot out the nearest cannon into the Gates of Hell.”

Dilbert says, “Uh, I didn’t know the comic strip industry HAD a union.” Huey Freeman from “The Boondocks” responds, “That’s because you’re a tool of our corporate overlords.”

In “La Cucaracha,” a couple in a car during the week before Christmas agree that “Shopping for bargains is even better during a bad economy…See?! THAT mall is having a ‘TWO for ONE’ sale.” As they drive closer, they see that the marquee reads: “2 for 1 Sale –- Buy This Empty Mall, Get One Free.”

And finally, in “La Cucaracha,” at yet another hearing, a senator asks, “Why do you feel you need a government bailout, Mr. Claus?” Santa explains, “Because I can’t figure out how to make a PROFIT by giving out all my inventory for FREE.”